Anniversary Gifts and Wording for In-Laws

In-law anniversaries are a calibration problem. Too small looks like you didn't think; too big looks like you're trying to prove something. The sweet spot is a good card and one well-chosen, modest thing.

The other trap is tone. You're not their child, so a message that borrows a child's intimacy reads oddly. Warm, specific and slightly formal is the register that works.

Below: what's safe to buy, what to spend, and wording for a new in-law as well as a long-established one.

Safe, good gifts for in-laws

• A hand poured candle - the most reliable gift there is when you don't know the house well.
• A print for the wall, if you've seen enough of their taste to judge it.
• Flowers in a vase, or a plant if they garden.
• Something from their part of the country, or from where they honeymooned.
• A bottle of what they actually drink, not what you'd bring to a dinner party.
• A card signed from both of you, not just your partner.

How much to spend

• Ordinary year - a card and something between £10 and £25.
• Milestone year (25, 40, 50, 60) - join in with whatever the family is doing rather than going alone.
• First anniversary since you married in - slightly more effort, same money.
• If your partner's siblings are clubbing together, club together. Going solo bigger is the one misstep people notice.

Card wording that works

• Happy anniversary to you both, with love from us both.
• Congratulations on another year. Thank you for how welcome you've made me.
• Happy anniversary - and thanks for raising the person I'm lucky to be married to.
• Wishing you both a very happy anniversary. We hope to see you soon.
• Congratulations on 40 years. It's a privilege to be part of the family that came from it.

Wording as a new son- or daughter-in-law

• Happy anniversary. Still finding my feet in this family, but very glad to be in it.
• Congratulations on another year. Thank you for making me feel at home so quickly.
• Happy anniversary to you both - from your newest, and least useful, family member.
• Wishing you a lovely day. Thank you for everything you've done for us this year.
• Happy anniversary. I've got a lot to live up to.

Things to avoid

• Jokes about the marriage itself - fine from a child, risky from an in-law.
• Anything that comments on the house, the decor or the cooking.
• Overshooting the family's usual spend. Ask your partner what's normal.
• Signing from yourself alone when you're married to their child - sign from both.

Shop anniversary cards

How to write it so it lands

• Ask your partner what the family normally spends.
• Sign from both of you, always.
• Thank them for something specific - it does more work than any gift.

Where to shop next

• Anniversary gifts and wording for parents
• Anniversary gifts and wording for grandparents
• A friend's wedding anniversary
• Your first wedding anniversary
• Traditional vs modern anniversary gifts
• Anniversary flowers and gemstones by year
• Wedding anniversary years and gifts
• Anniversary card messages
• Silver wedding anniversary ideas
• 50th wedding anniversary ideas
• Anniversary cards
• Anniversary gift shop
• Card hub
• All guides
• Planning the party? Birthday party ideas
• How to make a balloon arch
• Photo booth prop ideas
• Congratulations cards
• Birthday cards for kids
• Wedding cards
• Thank you cards

Frequently asked questions

What should you buy your in-laws for their anniversary?

A candle, flowers, a print or a bottle of what they drink, plus a card signed from both of you. Modest and well chosen beats expensive and generic.

How much should you spend on an in-laws' anniversary gift?

£10 to £25 for an ordinary year. For a milestone, join whatever the rest of the family is organising rather than buying separately.

What do you write in an in-laws' anniversary card?

Warm and slightly formal: congratulate them on the years, thank them for something specific, and sign from both of you. Avoid jokes about the marriage.