How To Make Up After An Argument Without Restarting It
How to make up after an argument
Most make-ups fail because they start too early or try to settle who was right. Do the repair first and the facts later, if at all.
The order below works for partners, friends and family, and it keeps the conversation from looping.
Sorry cards
Written down, an apology stops being something you have to keep repeating.
The order that works
- Wait until you can hear their side without preparing your answer.
- Open with your part, not theirs.
- Ask what they needed at the time.
- Agree one thing that changes, then stop talking about it.
Opening lines
- I hated last night. Can we start again this morning?
- I have had a think and I was harsher than I meant to be.
- I do not want to win this. I want us to be alright.
Leave these out
- Anything beginning "you always" or "you never".
- A list of previous arguments as supporting evidence.
- "I only said it because you..."
- A deadline for them to forgive you.
Once the heat has gone
- Still us. Still fine. Sorry for my half of it.
- Let's not do that again. Tea?
- Argument closed. Feelings intact.
How to write it so it lands
- Repair first, facts later - and often the facts stop mattering.
- Apologise for one specific thing, not for the whole evening.
- End it properly, out loud, so nobody is guessing whether it is over.
Where to shop next
- How to write a sorry message
- How to accept an apology
- How to say I love you in a card
- Long distance relationship messages
- New relationship messages
- Apology card ideas
- Date night ideas in the UK
- Relationship milestone ideas
- Love notes for every day
- All guide FAQs
- All guides
- Planning the party? Birthday party ideas
- How to make a balloon arch
- Photo booth prop ideas
Frequently asked questions
How long should you leave it before making up?
Long enough to stop rehearsing your case, short enough that the silence is not doing its own damage. For most rows that is a few hours, not days.
Who should apologise first?
Whoever can. Apologising for your part is not the same as accepting the whole thing was your fault.
Does a card help after an argument?
It does when the conversation keeps going in circles. Written words get read once, calmly, without an immediate reply.