Valentine's Gift Ideas For Every Stage Of A Relationship

The hardest part of Valentine's isn't the gift, it's the calibration. Too much six weeks in is alarming; too little after ten years is noticed.

So this is sorted by stage rather than by price, with a section for couples who'd both rather do nothing but neither wants to say it first.

Cards are the one constant. Everything else is optional.

New relationship, keep it light

• A card and one good thing - chocolate, a plant, a book.
• Tickets to something you'd both go to anyway.
• Their coffee order, bought properly, delivered to work.
• A playlist and a walk somewhere with a view.
• Avoid: jewellery, anything engraved, anything that mentions the future.

A few years in

• The good version of something they use every day.
• A night out that doesn't involve a set menu on 14 February.
• A print, a candle and dinner cooked at home.
• A weekend booked for later in the year.
• A letter about the year, which costs nothing and lands hardest.

Married a long time

• Jewellery or a watch if the occasion warrants it.
• A photo book of the last decade, printed.
• A night away with the kids covered by somebody else.
• The thing they keep mentioning and never buying.
• A rude card, because after twenty years that's the correct register.

For people who hate Valentine's

• A funny card and a takeaway - both of you off the hook.
• Swap the date to the 15th, when everywhere is half empty.
• Agree a £10 limit and make it competitive.
• Do a job the other one hates instead of buying anything.
• Galentine's or a night with mates works just as well.

Lines for the card

• Still you. Still this. Still glad.
• I'd choose you again, even on a Monday.
• Happy Valentine's. You're the best bit of the day.
• Cheaper than flowers, more honest than a poem.

Shop Valentine's cards

Pin badges

A small extra that ships with the card as one order.

How to write it so it lands

• Book the restaurant in January - 14 February sells out weeks ahead.
• If you're both working late, move the meal to the weekend and keep the card on the day.
• A handwritten letter outperforms almost every gift on this page.

Where to shop next

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• Cyber Monday shopping guide
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• Christmas cards
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• All guides

Frequently asked questions

How much should you spend on a Valentine's gift?

UK couples typically spend £20-£50, less in a new relationship. Agreeing a limit beforehand removes the guessing and nobody feels shown up.

What do you buy for a new relationship on Valentine's?

A card and one small, specific thing. Skip jewellery and anything engraved - it reads as a bigger statement than six weeks usually warrants.

When should you post a Valentine's card?

Post by 11 February for first class within the UK, earlier if it's going abroad. The 14th falls on a different weekday each year, so check before you rely on a Saturday delivery.

Is it still traditional to send a Valentine's card unsigned?

Yes, the anonymous card is the oldest part of the tradition. If you want them to guess, leave the name off but write something only you'd say.