Funeral Etiquette in the UK

We make cards and prints in the UK. There is nothing to sell here beyond a sympathy card, and this guide is written to be useful rather than to sell you one.

Most funeral worry isn't about grief, it's about getting something wrong in front of people who are already struggling.

Almost nothing you do wrong will be noticed. These are the few things worth knowing anyway.

Before you go

• Check the notice for dress requests, flowers or donations, and whether it's family-only.
• Arrive ten to fifteen minutes early. Walking in after the family is the one thing to avoid.
• Sit towards the back unless you're close family or have been asked to sit further forward.
• Phone off, not silent. Vibration in a quiet crematorium is audible.

What to say to the family

• "I'm so sorry. He was a lovely man" is enough. Short is kind.
• A specific memory is the best thing you can offer: "she once drove me home at 2am and never mentioned it again".
• Don't ask how they are - they'll have answered it ninety times. Say you're glad you came.
• Avoid explanations of why it happened, religious reassurance they haven't asked for, or "at least".

During the service

• Follow the people in front for standing, sitting and hymns. Nobody expects you to know the order.
• You don't have to sing or pray. Standing respectfully is participation enough.
• No photographs, ever, unless the family has explicitly asked for them.
• Crying is fine. So is not crying.

The wake, and afterwards

• Go to the wake if you're invited - numbers matter to the family more than the service does.
• Talk about the person. Everyone is frightened to, and the family desperately wants to.
• Stay a decent while, then leave without a lap of goodbyes.
• Send a card afterwards, not just before. The fortnight after the funeral is the loneliest part.

If you can't attend

• Send a card with a memory in it and say plainly that you're sorry to miss it.
• Give to the chosen charity if there is one, and say you have.
• Ring a fortnight later. That call is worth more than an attendance.
• Never apologise at length - it makes the family reassure you.

Browse sympathy cards

How to write it so it lands

• Early, back row, phone off.
• One short sentence and one memory.
• Send a card two weeks later too.

Where to shop next

• What to do when someone dies
• Flowers, donations or neither
• What to wear to a funeral
• Helping someone in the weeks after
• Condolence gift ideas
• Arranging a funeral: a practical guide
• Memorial gift ideas
• Sympathy gifts for a colleague
• What not to say when someone is grieving
• How much to give for a funeral collection
• Funeral songs
• Difficult moments guides
• All guides

Frequently asked questions

What time should you arrive at a funeral?

Ten to fifteen minutes before the service so you're seated before the family arrives.

What do you say to the family at a funeral?

Keep it short: "I'm so sorry" plus one specific memory of the person. Avoid "at least" and unasked-for reassurance.

Can you take photos at a funeral?

No, unless the family has specifically asked for them.

Should you go to the wake?

If you're invited, yes. Numbers at the wake matter enormously to the family, and it's where people talk about the person properly.