Helping Someone in the Weeks After a Funeral

We make cards and prints in the UK. There is nothing to sell here beyond a sympathy card, and this guide is written to be useful rather than to sell you one.

For a fortnight the house is full. Then everyone goes back to work and the person is alone with it, usually at exactly the point the paperwork starts.

This is how to be the one who's still there in week six.

Practical help that works

• Specific offers only: "I'm bringing dinner Thursday" rather than "let me know if you need anything".
• Take on one boring job permanently: the bins, the lawn, the school run on Tuesdays.
• Help with the admin pile. Notifying banks and pension providers is relentless and grim.
• Drive them somewhere. Grief and driving are a bad combination early on.

What to say weeks later

• "I was thinking about him today" - the single most welcome sentence there is.
• Use the person's name. People stop saying it and the family notices immediately.
• "How is this week?" is easier to answer than "how are you?"
• Say nothing if there's nothing to say and just stay in the room.

Dates to put in your phone

• The birthday, the anniversary of the death, and the first Christmas.
• Their wedding anniversary, if they've lost a partner.
• The date the last child goes back to school or university.
• Send a message on each one. A line is enough.

What to avoid

• "At least", in any form.
• Timetables for grief, or any version of "you should be feeling better by now".
• Comparing it to your own loss unless they ask.
• Disappearing because you're worried about saying the wrong thing. That's the only real mistake.

Browse sympathy cards

How to write it so it lands

• Specific offers, not open ones.
• Say the person's name.
• Diarise the hard dates.

Where to shop next

• Funeral etiquette in the UK
• What to do when someone dies
• Flowers, donations or neither
• What to wear to a funeral
• Condolence gift ideas
• Arranging a funeral: a practical guide
• What not to say when someone is grieving
• How much to give for a funeral collection
• Funeral songs
• Difficult moments guides
• All guides

Frequently asked questions

How do you help someone who is grieving?

Make specific offers, take on one practical job permanently, use the person's name, and keep checking in after everyone else stops.

What do you say to someone weeks after a funeral?

"I was thinking about him today." Naming the person and admitting you thought of them is the most welcome thing you can say.

When should you check in on a grieving friend?

Week six, the first birthday, the anniversary and the first Christmas. Those are the quiet, hard dates.