What to write to a co-parent

Cards between separated parents are usually written for the children's sake, and the children read them. Neutral, short and warm is the target.

Thirty-five messages below, including wording a child can sign and lines to avoid entirely.

Father's Day from the children

• Happy Father's Day, Dad. Love from [names].
• Happy Father's Day - the kids chose this one themselves.
• The children wanted you to have this today. Happy Father's Day.
• Happy Father's Day. They are lucky to have you.

Mother's Day from the children

• Happy Mother's Day, Mum. Love from [names].
• Happy Mother's Day - they picked the card and wrote the inside.
• Thinking of you today from all three of them.
• Happy Mother's Day. They talk about you all week.

Thank you to a co-parent

• Thank you for swapping the weekend. It really helped.
• Thank you for being flexible this term. It made a difference to them.
• Thank you for getting her to the hospital appointment.
• Thank you for keeping things easy for the kids. I do not take it for granted.

Birthdays and Christmas

• Happy birthday from the children.
• Happy birthday - hope you get a good day. Shop this card
• Merry Christmas. They are excited about seeing you.
• Wishing you a happy Christmas from all of us here.

Neutral, safe wording

• Wishing you well.
• Hope the year ahead is a good one.
• From [child] and [child].
• Thinking of you today.
• With best wishes.

Lines to avoid

• Anything about money, arrangements or the past - a card is not the place.
• Sarcasm. It never reads the way it sounded in your head.
• Anything you would not want the children to read aloud.
• Signing off with words that imply more closeness than there is.

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How to write it so it lands

• Let the children write their own line, even if it is unreadable.
• Write nothing you would not be happy for them to read in ten years.

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Frequently asked questions

Should you send your ex a Father's Day or Mother's Day card?

Send it from the children rather than from you. It keeps the day about them and takes the ambiguity out of the message.

What if the relationship is hostile?

Keep it to a signature from the children and nothing else. A blank card with their names is complete, and it cannot be misread.