What to write to your in-laws

In-law cards are a balancing act: affectionate, but not pretending to a closeness that is still being built. Sincere and specific beats effusive.

Forty-five below, split by occasion, including what to write in the very first card.

Mother-in-law birthday

• Happy birthday - thank you for making me feel part of the family from day one.
• Wishing you a wonderful birthday. Thank you for everything you do for all of us.
• Happy birthday to the person who taught [partner] everything worth knowing.
• Have a lovely day. You deserve to be looked after for once.
• Happy birthday - and thank you for the Sunday lunches.

Father-in-law birthday

• Happy birthday - thank you for the welcome, the advice and the terrible jokes.
• Wishing you a great day and a quiet afternoon.
• Happy birthday. Thank you for treating me like one of your own.
• Have a brilliant birthday - the DIY can wait a day.
• Happy birthday from us both. We will bring the cake.

Thank you to in-laws

• Thank you for everything you did for the wedding. We could not have done it without you.
• Thank you for the help with the house move - and for not commenting on the boxes.
• Thank you for all the childcare. We notice, even when we forget to say it.
• Thank you for making me welcome. It mattered more than you know.
• Thank you for the generous gift and the even more generous hospitality. Shop this card

Your first card to them

• Lovely to meet you properly at last - thank you for the warm welcome.
• Thank you for having me. I can see where [partner] gets it from.
• Really pleased to be part of the family. Thank you for making it easy.

In-law anniversary

• Happy anniversary - forty years and still setting the standard.
• Congratulations on [number] years. You have shown us how it is done.
• Happy anniversary to two people who clearly got it right.
• Wishing you a lovely anniversary and many more.

Christmas and Mother's or Father's Day

• Merry Christmas - thank you for another year of being so good to us.
• Happy Christmas from us both. Looking forward to seeing you.
• Happy Mother's Day to my mother-in-law, and thank you for raising the person I married.
• Happy Father's Day - thank you for the welcome and the wisdom.

Browse all greetings cards

How to write it so it lands

• Sign from both of you if the relationship is through your partner.
• Mention one real thing they did. It is what turns politeness into warmth.

Where to shop next

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Frequently asked questions

Should I call them Mum and Dad in a card?

Only if you already do out loud. If you use first names in person, use first names in the card - a card is not the place to change it.

What if the relationship is difficult?

Keep it short, true and neutral. 'Wishing you a happy birthday' is honest and complete. Never use a card to reopen anything.