What to write to your adult child

Writing to your grown-up child is harder than writing to your small one. The instinct is to say everything, and everything is too much for a card.

Forty-five messages below, grouped by the moment, from birthdays to first homes to becoming a parent themselves.

Birthday messages for a grown-up son or daughter

• Happy birthday. I still cannot believe you are [age] and neither can my knees.
• Happy birthday to the best thing I ever did. Shop this card
• Another year of watching you get on with it brilliantly. Happy birthday.
• Happy birthday, love. Proud of you, as ever. Shop this card
• You have turned into someone I would choose as a friend. Happy birthday.
• Happy birthday - eat cake, ignore the emails.

Proud of you

• I am proud of you. Not for the job or the house - for how you handle things.
• You have worked for every bit of this. Well done.
• Watching you do this well has been the best part of my year.
• You are kinder than we managed to teach you. That is all you.
• Whatever happens next, this bit was yours.

Moving out or first home

• The house is quiet and I am mostly fine about it. Enjoy the new place.
• Congratulations on the keys. Ring us when the boiler does something odd.
• Your room stays as it is for a bit. Just in case.
• So proud of you. Go and make it yours.
• New home, new start. You have got this.

New job, graduation and milestones

• Congratulations. They have no idea how lucky they are.
• All those years and you did it. Well done, graduate.
• New job, same you. That is the good bit.
• Congratulations - go and enjoy it before the work starts.

When they become a parent

• Welcome to the tiredest, best years of your life.
• You are going to be brilliant at this. I have watched you practise on the dog.
• Congratulations. Now you know how I felt the whole time.
• So proud of the parent you already are.

Hard times and long distances

• Nothing to fix, nothing to reply to. Just thinking of you.
• Whatever you decide, you have got us behind you.
• The door is open, the kettle works. Come home when you like.
• Missing you. No pressure, just missing you.
• I know it is a hard stretch. It will not always be.

Browse all birthday cards

How to write it so it lands

• Date the card. These get kept in a drawer for thirty years.
• Resist the advice. A card with instructions in it stops being a card.

Where to shop next

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• What to write to a sibling-in-law
• What to write to a co-parent
• What to write to your postie
• What to write to your cleaner
• New home messages
• What to write to a stepdad
• What to write to in-laws
• What to write to a neighbour
• What to write to a carer
• Thank you for a gift messages
• Just because messages
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• How to make a balloon arch
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• All guides

Frequently asked questions

What do you write in a card to a grown-up child?

Pick one thing you are proud of and say it plainly. Adult children keep the cards that name something specific rather than repeating 'love you always'.

Is it too late to say something you never said?

No, but a card is for one sentence of it, not all of it. Write the line, then have the conversation in person.