How To Comfort Someone Who Is Grieving

How to comfort someone who is grieving

Nothing you say will make grief smaller. What you can do is make the person less alone inside it, which is a different and achievable job.

Below: what to say, practical help, and the support that matters after the funeral when the cards stop arriving.

Sympathy cards

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A simple and elegant 'I'm Sorry To Hear About Your Loss' sympathy card with a clean, comforting design and envelope. I'm Sorry To Hear About Your Loss (With Sympathy Card) £3.87 Condolence and sympathy greeting card featuring the comforting message "Thinking Of You" in a gentle, elegant design. Thinking Of You Card (With Sympathy / Sorry For Your Loss / Bearevement) £3.87

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What to say

  • I am so sorry. I loved them too.
  • Say their name out loud - most people are afraid to.
  • Tell me about them. I want to hear it.
  • There is nothing to say that helps, so I am just here.
  • I remember when they [specific memory].
  • You do not have to be coping.
  • Take all the time you need. There is no schedule.
  • I will keep checking in long after everyone stops.

Practical help in the first weeks

  • Bring food that can go in the freezer.
  • Offer to answer the phone or the door.
  • Handle one piece of admin - a notification, a form, a call.
  • Do a supermarket shop without being asked.
  • Look after the children for an afternoon.
  • Drive them to the funeral director.
  • Take the dog out.
  • Do the washing. Nobody offers and everybody needs it.

Months later

  • Text on the birthday and the anniversary. They will be dreading both.
  • Keep mentioning the person who died.
  • Ask how this week is, not how they are generally.
  • Do not expect them to be 'back to normal'.
  • Invite them out and accept a no without comment.
  • Send a card at six months. Almost nobody does.

What not to say

  • They're in a better place - only if you know they believe it.
  • At least they had a good innings.
  • Everything happens for a reason.
  • Time heals.
  • You need to be strong for the kids.
  • Let me know if you need anything.

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How to write it so it lands

  • Use the name of the person who died. Avoiding it is the thing bereaved people mention most.
  • Put the anniversary in your calendar now, so you remember when they need it.

Where to shop next

Frequently asked questions

What do you say to someone who is grieving?

Say you are sorry, use the name of the person who died, and share one specific memory. Avoid anything that starts 'at least'.

When does grief support matter most?

Three to six months in, when the cards stop and everyone assumes they are through it. Cruse Bereavement Support offers free UK help on 0808 808 1677.

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