What to say after a miscarriage

Most people say nothing because they are frightened of saying the wrong thing. Silence is the wrong thing. A short, plain message that acknowledges the loss is almost always welcome, even if it is not answered.

Name the loss, say you are sorry, offer something specific, and do not ask questions that need answering.

Short messages that work

• I am so sorry. I am thinking of you both and there is nothing you need to reply to. Shop this card
• I heard your news and I am so sad for you. I am here whenever you want company or quiet.
• There is nothing I can say that helps, but I did not want to say nothing.
• I am sorry you are going through this. I will check in again next week.

If they had named the baby

• I am so sorry about [name]. They were loved and they mattered.
• Thinking of you and [name] today and every day this week.

For a partner people forget to ask about

• I have been thinking about you too, not just [partner]. How are you doing?
• This was your loss as well. I am here if you want to talk about it.

Lines to avoid

• "At least it was early" - early loss is still loss.
• "Everything happens for a reason" - it asks them to find comfort in the loss itself.
• "You can always try again" - it replaces the baby they wanted with a future one.
• "At least you know you can get pregnant" - it is not a consolation.

Browse sympathy and thinking of you cards

How to write it so it lands

• Say the word miscarriage rather than talking around it.
• Offer one specific thing - a food shop, a lift, the school run - not "anything you need".
• Do not expect a reply, and do not follow up asking why there was not one.

Where to shop next

• What to say when someone is made redundant
• What to say after a serious diagnosis
• What to say when someone moves into care
• Death anniversary messages
• What not to say when someone is grieving
• How to support someone months later
• Practical help to offer instead of words
• Sympathy and difficult moments guides
• All guide FAQs
• All guides

Frequently asked questions

Should you send a card after a miscarriage?

Yes, if you would have sent one for another loss. Keep it short, name what happened, and make it clear no reply is needed.

Should you mention it again later?

Yes. Most support arrives in the first week and stops. A message a month later, or on the due date, is often the one people remember.

Where can someone get support in the UK?

The Miscarriage Association (01924 200799) and Tommy's midwife line (0800 0147 800) both offer free support, and the GP can refer for counselling.