Top 50 Christmas Cracker Jokes (The Good Bad Ones)

Finding the perfect cracker jokes to share around the dinner table is a festive tradition we all love. Whether you are looking for classic puns, silly family giggles or even some mild cracker jokes for adults, we have put together fifty brilliant ideas. These festive jokes for crackers to print out or write in cards are guaranteed to bring plenty of groans and laughter to your Christmas day.

Cracker jokes are supposed to be bad. A genuinely funny one ruins the format and everyone knows it.

Fifty below, grouped by Santa, snowmen, reindeer, turkey and the rest. Print them, fold them into your own crackers, or just read them out in the paper hat like tradition demands.

Santa

No festive table is complete without a classic cracker joke about the big man himself. Santa Claus is the ultimate subject for cracking christmas jokes that both kids and grandparents can enjoy together. These festive one-liners are perfect for sharing while wearing your paper crowns, bringing a bit of North Pole magic and plenty of cheerful groans to your Christmas dinner.

• What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause.
• Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.
• What goes ho ho whoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door.
• Where does Santa stay on holiday? A ho-ho-hotel.
• What's Santa's favourite kind of music? Wrap.
• Why was Santa's little helper sad? He had low elf esteem.
• How much did Santa's sleigh cost? Nothing, it was on the house.
• What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost cause.
• Why doesn't Santa get stuck in the chimney? He has good flue.
• What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck? Claus-trophobia.

Snowmen

When the winter weather sets in, it is time to wrap up warm and enjoy some frosty humour. Snowmen make the perfect subjects for funny cracker jokes one-liners that keep the mood light and cheerful. These icy puns are simple, sweet and incredibly easy to remember, making them ideal for sharing with the whole family over dessert.

• What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes.
• How do snowmen get around? By icicle.
• What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
• Where do snowmen keep their money? In a snow bank.
• What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.
• What's a snowman's favourite drink? An ice tea.
• How do you know a snowman's been in your fridge? Carrot on the floor.
• What do you call an old snowman? Water.
• Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
• What do snowmen do at the weekend? Chill out.

Reindeer

Rudolph and the rest of the sleigh team are always a huge hit when it comes to festive comedy. If you are searching for the best xmas jokes for crackers to keep the children entertained, these animal-themed puns are just what you need. They are lighthearted, easy to read and guaranteed to get everyone smiling before the pudding arrives.

• What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.
• Why does Rudolph do so well at school? He's very bright.
• What's the difference between a reindeer and a biscuit? Try dunking a reindeer.
• How do reindeer know when Christmas is coming? They look at their calen-deer.
• What do you call a reindeer with bad manners? Rude-olph.
• Where do reindeer go to dance? A snowball.
• What do reindeer say before telling a joke? This one will sleigh you.
• Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach? He didn't want to be recognised.
• What's a reindeer's favourite game? Stable tennis.
• How do reindeer get to work? By elf-icopter.

Turkey and dinner

The Christmas feast is the main event, but it also provides plenty of inspiration for some brilliant comedy. While you are passing the gravy and pulling crackers, these food-themed jokes about crackers and festive meals will keep the table entertained. From drumstick puns to dinner table giggles, these are the ultimate additions to your festive feast celebrations.

• Why did the turkey join the band? It had the drumsticks.
• What's the best thing to put into a Christmas dinner? Your teeth.
• Why was the turkey in the pop group? It was the only one with drumsticks.
• What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost? A poultry-geist.
• Why did the cranberry turn red? It saw the turkey dressing.
• What do sprouts do at Christmas? They get told they're nobody's favourite.
• Why did the Christmas pudding go to the doctor? It felt a bit steamed.
• What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal one? The Christmas one has noel.
• What did the gravy say to the roast potato? Nice to meat you.
• Why did the mince pie go to the dentist? It needed a filling.

The rest

From busy little elves to the chilly December weather, there are so many other festive elements that make brilliant comedy material. This final collection of jokes for christmas crackers covers all the extra bits of seasonal magic that do not quite fit anywhere else. They are ideal for writing inside your handmade festive cards this year.

• What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper.
• Why is it so cold at Christmas? Because it's in Decembrrrr.
• What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis.
• What's every parent's favourite Christmas carol? Silent Night.
• Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
• What do you call a boy who's afraid of Christmas? Nickolas.
• Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer.
• What do angry mice send each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards.
• What's the most popular Christmas wine? "I don't like sprouts."
• What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas? Sandy Claws.

Key things to remember

• Read it in the paper hat. Without the hat it's just a bad joke.
• One per person, clockwise, no skipping. The rules matter more than the jokes.
• Write your favourite inside the Christmas card - it becomes an annual thing without anyone planning it.

Frequently asked questions

What is the best Christmas cracker joke?

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick" is the format at its purest, but "low elf esteem" gets the biggest groan at a table.

Can you make your own cracker jokes?

Yes - print them on strips, fold them small and slot them in with the hat and the gift. Homemade crackers cost a fraction of shop ones.

Are cracker jokes meant to be bad?

Entirely. The groan is the point; a genuinely funny cracker joke breaks the tradition.

What is a good example of top 50 Christmas cracker jokes?

"What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause." is one of 50 examples on this page. Pick the one closest to the tone you want, then add a specific detail of your own - a shared memory, a date, a name - so it reads as yours rather than copied.

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