Top 50 Christmas Cracker Jokes (The Good Bad Ones)

September 9, 2026

Top 50 Christmas cracker jokes

Cracker jokes are supposed to be bad. A genuinely funny one ruins the format and everyone knows it.

Fifty below, grouped by Santa, snowmen, reindeer, turkey and the rest. Print them, fold them into your own crackers, or just read them out in the paper hat like tradition demands.

Christmas cards for the joke

Blank-inside Christmas cards, designed in house and posted first class.

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Santa

What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause.
Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.
What goes ho ho whoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door.
Where does Santa stay on holiday? A ho-ho-hotel.
What's Santa's favourite kind of music? Wrap.
Why was Santa's little helper sad? He had low elf esteem.
How much did Santa's sleigh cost? Nothing, it was on the house.
What do you call Santa living at the South Pole? A lost cause.
Why doesn't Santa get stuck in the chimney? He has good flue.
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck? Claus-trophobia.

Snowmen

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes.
How do snowmen get around? By icicle.
What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In a snow bank.
What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.
What's a snowman's favourite drink? An ice tea.
How do you know a snowman's been in your fridge? Carrot on the floor.
What do you call an old snowman? Water.
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose.
What do snowmen do at the weekend? Chill out.

Reindeer

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments.
Why does Rudolph do so well at school? He's very bright.
What's the difference between a reindeer and a biscuit? Try dunking a reindeer.
How do reindeer know when Christmas is coming? They look at their calen-deer.
What do you call a reindeer with bad manners? Rude-olph.
Where do reindeer go to dance? A snowball.
What do reindeer say before telling a joke? This one will sleigh you.
Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach? He didn't want to be recognised.
What's a reindeer's favourite game? Stable tennis.
How do reindeer get to work? By elf-icopter.

Turkey and dinner

Why did the turkey join the band? It had the drumsticks.
What's the best thing to put into a Christmas dinner? Your teeth.
Why was the turkey in the pop group? It was the only one with drumsticks.
What do you get if you cross a turkey with a ghost? A poultry-geist.
Why did the cranberry turn red? It saw the turkey dressing.
What do sprouts do at Christmas? They get told they're nobody's favourite.
Why did the Christmas pudding go to the doctor? It felt a bit steamed.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the normal one? The Christmas one has noel.
What did the gravy say to the roast potato? Nice to meat you.
Why did the mince pie go to the dentist? It needed a filling.

The rest

What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper.
Why is it so cold at Christmas? Because it's in Decembrrrr.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis.
What's every parent's favourite Christmas carol? Silent Night.
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
What do you call a boy who's afraid of Christmas? Nickolas.
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer.
What do angry mice send each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards.
What's the most popular Christmas wine? "I don't like sprouts."
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas? Sandy Claws.

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How to write it so it lands

Read it in the paper hat. Without the hat it's just a bad joke.
One per person, clockwise, no skipping. The rules matter more than the jokes.
Write your favourite inside the Christmas card - it becomes an annual thing without anyone planning it.

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Frequently asked questions

What is the best Christmas cracker joke?

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick" is the format at its purest, but "low elf esteem" gets the biggest groan at a table.

Can you make your own cracker jokes?

Yes - print them on strips, fold them small and slot them in with the hat and the gift. Homemade crackers cost a fraction of shop ones.

Are cracker jokes meant to be bad?

Entirely. The groan is the point; a genuinely funny cracker joke breaks the tradition.

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