Top 50 jokes for kids

The test of a kids' joke isn't whether an adult laughs. It's whether a seven-year-old can remember it long enough to tell someone else.

Fifty below, all clean, all short enough to memorise. Perfect for lunchbox notes, birthday cards and long car journeys.

Animal jokes

• What do you call a dinosaur with a big vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• Why did the cow go to space? To see the moooon.
• What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
• Why don't elephants use computers? They're scared of the mouse.
• What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite.
• Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
• What do you call a duck that gets all As? A wise quacker.
• Where do cows go on a Friday night? The moo-vies.
• What's a cat's favourite colour? Purrr-ple.
• Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

School jokes

• Why was the maths book sad? It had too many problems.
• What's a teacher's favourite nation? Expla-nation.
• Why did the pencil get told off? For being too sharp.
• What did the glue say to the teacher? I'm stuck on you.
• Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
• What building has the most storeys? The library.
• Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept.
• Why did the clock get sent out of class? It tocked too much.
• What's the king of the classroom? The ruler.
• Why did the geography book stay home? It felt lost.

Riddles they can retell

• What has hands but can't clap? A clock.
• What has a head and a tail but no body? A coin.
• What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
• What has to be broken before you use it? An egg.
• What goes up but never comes down? Your age.
• What has one eye but can't see? A needle.
• What has legs but doesn't walk? A table.
• What can travel around the world while staying in a corner? A stamp.
• What's full of holes but still holds water? A sponge.
• What runs but never gets tired? A tap.

Silly ones

• Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
• What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
• Why did the biscuit go to hospital? It felt crummy.
• What's brown and sticky? A stick.
• Why can't your nose be twelve inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.
• What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner.
• Why did the jelly wobble? Because it saw the trifle.
• What do you call a man with a spade on his head? Doug.
• What do you call the same man without a spade on his head? Douglas.
• Why did the football team go to the bank? To get their quarter back.

Where to put them

• One in the lunchbox each Monday. It's the cheapest thing you'll do all week.
• Inside a birthday card, written by them for a friend - the handwriting is the gift.
• In the car, one each, no repeats. It buys you fifteen minutes of motorway.
• On a sticky note on the bathroom mirror before a school test.
• Written in the back of a book you're giving them, with the date.

Shop funny cards

Funny cards worth the joke

Blank inside, so the punchline is yours. Posted first class.

Badges to go with it

Pin badges that land the joke without saying a word.

How to write it so it lands

• Let them pick their own favourite - a joke they chose gets told twenty times.
• Write one inside the card in their handwriting, however wonky.
• Keep a running family list. It becomes a keepsake without anyone deciding it should.

Where to shop next

• Top 50 knock knock jokes
• Top 50 dad jokes
• Top 50 one-liners
• Top 50 jokes for kids
• Top 40 office jokes
• Top 50 cracker jokes
• Funny 60th birthday jokes
• 70th birthday jokes and verses
• 80th birthday jokes and quotes
• Kids' birthday cards
• Funny cards
• Planning the party? Birthday party ideas
• How to make a balloon arch
• Photo booth prop ideas

Frequently asked questions

What is a good joke for a child to tell?

Short animal jokes work best - "what do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop" is two lines and impossible to forget.

Are these jokes suitable for school?

Yes. Every joke on this page is clean, non-personal and fine for assemblies, lunchboxes and classroom joke books.

What age are these jokes for?

Roughly five to eleven. The riddles suit the older end; the animal and silly jokes work from reception up.