Top 50 knock knock jokes

The knock knock joke is the only joke format that survives being told badly by a six-year-old, which is why it never dies.

Fifty below, all clean, all fine to write in a card. The classics first, then the groaners, then a handful you probably haven't heard.

Every one of these fits inside a blank card if you keep your handwriting sensible.

The classics everyone knows

• Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it's freezing out here.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Cows go. Cows go who? No they don't, they go moo.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c- MOO.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked, that's why I'm knocking.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who? No bell, that's why I knocked.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive next door, let me in.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream if you don't let me in.

Groaners for the family table

• Knock knock. Who's there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to know.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the suitcase, you get the car.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help getting in.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for tea.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Hatch. Hatch who? Put a tissue in your sleeve.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Cash. Cash who? No thanks, I'm more of a peanut man.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Yah. Yah who? Calm down, it's only a knock knock joke.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? Actually, it's kangaroo.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Adore. Adore who? Adore is between us, open it.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Butter let me in, it's raining.

British ones

• Knock knock. Who's there? Bea. Bea who? Bea kettle's on, I'll let myself in.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Pudding. Pudding who? Pudding on the kettle, are you?
• Knock knock. Who's there? Yorkshire. Yorkshire who? Yorkshire you don't want a cup of tea?
• Knock knock. Who's there? Barry. Barry who? Barry nice weather we're having, for once.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Wendy. Wendy who? Wendy bus coming? I've been here twenty minutes.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I'd ring, but the bell's broken.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Fish. Fish who? Bless you again, you're full of cold.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Scone. Scone who? Scone be dark soon, let me in.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Queue. Queue who? I've been waiting patiently, obviously.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Sausage. Sausage who? Sausage a lovely house I thought I'd knock.

Ones you probably haven't heard

• Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it's pointless.
• Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? To whom.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Repeat. Repeat who? Who who who who.
• Knock knock. Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? I didn't know you could yodel.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who? W. H. O.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Amish. Amish who? You're not a shoe.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Anee. Anee who? Anee one you like, that's the point.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Snow. Snow who? Snow use, I've forgotten the punchline.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the last one, I promise.
• Knock knock. Who's there? Alec. Alec who? Alec-tricity, which is why the bell's not working.

How to write one in a card

• Write the setup on the front page and the punchline inside - the card does the timing for you.
• Use their name as the knock knock name. It always gets a bigger laugh than it deserves.
• Keep it to four lines. Any longer and you run out of card.
• Sign it underneath, then add the date. The joke ages, the card gets kept.
• If the joke is terrible, say so in the card. Owning it is half the gag.

Shop funny cards

How to write it so it lands

• Read them out loud before you commit one to a card - half of these only work spoken.
• Use the recipient's name in the setup; personalised nonsense always wins.
• Pair a groaner with a straight-faced card. The contrast is the joke.

Where to shop next

• Top 50 knock knock jokes
• Top 50 dad jokes
• Top 50 one-liners
• Top 50 jokes for kids
• Top 40 office jokes
• Top 50 cracker jokes
• Funny 60th birthday jokes
• 70th birthday jokes and verses
• 80th birthday jokes and quotes
• Funny cards
• Birthday cards
• Planning the party? Birthday party ideas
• How to make a balloon arch
• Photo booth prop ideas

Frequently asked questions

What is the best knock knock joke?

The interrupting cow is still the highest-scoring one with children, because the punchline arrives before they've finished asking.

Are knock knock jokes suitable for children?

Yes - every joke on this page is clean and safe for primary-age children, cards and cracker readings.

How do you write a knock knock joke in a card?

Setup on the front page, punchline inside. Four lines maximum, then sign and date it underneath.