Funny riddles with answers

Funny riddles are the ones people repeat. Nobody quotes a logic puzzle at a bus stop, but they will absolutely tell a stranger the nacho cheese one.

Fifty below, grouped by how much groaning to expect.

Groan worthy classics

• What do you call cheese that isn't yours? - Nacho cheese.
• What is brown and sticky? - A stick.
• What kind of room has no doors? - A mushroom.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? - Fsh.
• Why can't your nose be twelve inches long? - It would be a foot.
• What did the big flower say to the little flower? - Hi, bud.
• What has four wheels and flies? - A bin lorry.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? - He was outstanding in his field.
• What do you call a bear with no teeth? - A gummy bear.
• What did the zero say to the eight? - Nice belt.

Food riddles

• What kind of nut has no shell? - A doughnut.
• Why did the tomato go red? - It saw the salad dressing.
• What is a vampire's favourite fruit? - A blood orange.
• Why did the biscuit cry? - Its mum had been a wafer too long.
• What is green and sings? - Elvis Parsley.
• Why did the banana go to the doctor? - It wasn't peeling well.
• What bread do you find at the seaside? - A currant bun.
• What do you call a chip that tells jokes? - A wise cracker.
• Why did the coffee file a report? - It got mugged.
• What is the fastest cake? - Scone.

Animal riddles

• What do you call a dog magician? - A labracadabrador.
• Why do fish live in salt water? - Pepper makes them sneeze.
• What do you call a cow with no legs? - Ground beef.
• What do you call an alligator in a waistcoat? - An investigator.
• Why do cows wear bells? - Their horns don't work.
• What has more lives than a cat? - A frog, because it croaks every night.
• What do you call a sleeping bull? - A bulldozer.
• Why are elephants bad at hide and seek? - They always end up in the trunk.
• What is a sheep's favourite sport? - Baa-dminton.
• What do you call a snake that works for the council? - A civil serpent.

Riddles that work in a card

• What gets bigger the older it gets and never asks for anything back? - A friendship.
• What can you give away all day and still have? - Kindness.
• What grows every year but never gets heavier? - Your birthday list.
• What is free, weighs nothing and improves any day? - A phone call from you.
• What arrives every year, costs a stamp, and is worth more than most gifts? - A card someone actually wrote in.
• What is the one thing you can spend and never lose? - Time with the right people.
• What do you call another year older with the same terrible jokes? - Consistency.
• What has candles, cake and no dignity by nine o'clock? - A good birthday.
• What gets funnier the more you repeat it? - Nothing, but you'll try anyway.
• What is louder than a party? - The silence when someone reads your card out.

Browse all funny cards

How to write it so it lands

• Deliver the answer flatly. Funny riddles die when the teller laughs first.
• Three in a row is a set; ten in a row is a hostage situation.

Where to shop next

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• All guides

Frequently asked questions

Can I write a riddle inside a card?

Yes, and it lands best on the left page with the answer underneath your name. Keep it to one line so there is still room for a proper message.

Are these riddles child friendly?

All fifty are clean and safe for a classroom, a cracker or a lunchbox note.