Funny Things to Put in Birthday Cards: 60 Lines, PS Jokes and Daft Extras

A funny card doesn't need a stand-up routine inside. One good line, a daft PS and a silly sign-off does more than a paragraph.

Below are ideas grouped by type, so you can mix one from each and have the card written in a minute.

Age jokes (for people who can take it)

• Happy birthday! Don't worry, you're not old - you're vintage. Slightly dusty, but vintage.
• Another year older and still no idea how the thermostat works.
• I'd light all your candles, but I haven't got a fire certificate.
• You're not getting older, you're just levelling up. Very slowly.
• At your age, 'getting lucky' means finding your car in the car park.

PS lines (the bit they actually remember)

• PS. The present is in the post. Emotionally.
• PS. This card cost more than you think. Please frame it.
• PS. If found, please return me to the pub.
• PS. I've told everyone you're turning 21 again. Play along.
• PS. Cake is a vegetable if you believe hard enough.

Fake vouchers and awards to write inside

• This voucher entitles the bearer to one (1) day of me not mentioning your age.
• Valid for one cup of tea made without being asked. Expires never.
• Official award: Most Likely To Fall Asleep During The Film.
• Certificate of Survival: another lap around the sun, completed with minimal injuries.

For a friend

• Happy birthday to the only person who knows enough to have me arrested.
• Thanks for being my friend. You're stuck with me now - I know too much.
• Let's celebrate the way we always do: badly, and far too late.

For family

• Happy birthday from your favourite child. (Don't show the others.)
• Thanks for passing on the good genes. And the rubbish sense of direction.
• Happy birthday! You still owe me for that haircut in 1998.

Daft sign-offs

• Love from your biggest fan (and only fan, let's be honest).
• Yours, until the cake runs out.
• Regards, the person who forgot last year.
• Best wishes, and sorry about the card.

Shop funny birthday cards

How to write it so it lands

• One good joke beats three average ones.
• An in-joke only you two understand is funnier than anything here.
• End with one sincere line - it makes the jokes land better.

Where to shop next

• Funny birthday card messages
• Best funny birthday cards
• How to sign off a card
• All guides
• Planning the party? Birthday party ideas
• Birthday badges & party pins
• How to make a balloon arch
• Photo booth prop ideas
• Party bag ideas for adults
• How much helium do you need for balloons?
• Birthday cards for kids
• Good luck cards
• Pin badges

Frequently asked questions

What is a funny thing to write in a birthday card?

A short age joke plus a daft PS works for almost anyone: 'You're not old, you're vintage. PS. The present is in the post. Emotionally.'

How do you make a birthday card funny without being mean?

Joke about the situation - age, cake, forgetting - not the person's looks or worries. Finish with one warm line so it doesn't read as a dig.

Can I put something funny in a card for my boss?

Keep it gentle: 'Happy birthday - here's to another year of pretending we read the emails.' Skip anything rude or about age.

What is a good example of funny things to put in birthday cards?

"Happy birthday! Don't worry, you're not old - you're vintage. Slightly dusty, but vintage." is one of 24 examples on this page. Pick the one closest to the tone you want, then add a specific detail of your own - a shared memory, a date, a name - so it reads as yours rather than copied.