Wedding speech one-liners

One-liners are the scaffolding of a wedding speech. You need an opener to settle the room, two or three in the middle to keep it moving, and a clean line into the toast.

Grouped by who is speaking. Pick two or three, not ten.

Openers for anyone

• I'll keep this brief - there's a bar behind me and I can feel it judging me.
• For those who don't know me, I'm [name]. For those who do, my apologies.
• I've been asked to say a few words. Here they are, in roughly the right order.
• Don't worry, I've timed this. Twice. It got longer both times.

Father of the bride

• I'm not losing a daughter. I'm gaining a bathroom.
• People warned me this day would come. They were right, and they were also right about the cost.
• [Daughter], you have been the best thing I've ever been part of.
• [Partner's name], welcome to the family. There is no way out now.
• I've been practising this speech since she was five. It's still not ready.

Groom or bride

• I'd like to thank everyone for coming, especially those who travelled - and those who came anyway. Shop this card
• To my new [husband/wife]: everyone here can see why I said yes. Shop this card
• I've been told a good speech should be like a skirt - long enough to cover the subject, short enough to be interesting. Shop this card
• Thank you to everyone who helped today happen. You know who you are, and so does the caterer. Shop this card
• I'm the luckiest person in this room, and I'd like the record to show it. Shop this card

Maid of honour

• I've known [bride] since we were [age]. I have receipts, and I've been asked not to read them out.
• She's the friend who turns up. That's the whole speech, really.
• I've never seen her as happy as she's been since she met you.
• To the woman who has talked me out of every terrible decision I've ever made, except two.

Toast lines

• Please raise your glasses. To [names].
• To love, laughter and a happy ever after.
• Here's to the couple who make it look easy - and to everyone who helped them get here.
• Please be upstanding for the bride and groom. Shop this card
• To the happy couple - may the next fifty years be as good as today.

Getting the delivery right

• Pause after the joke. The laugh needs room.
• Look up at the end of every sentence, not just the funny ones.
• Cards, not a phone. Number them in case you drop them.
• Never apologise for being nervous - the room is already on your side.
• Sip water, not the wine, until you have finished.

Browse wedding cards

How to write it so it lands

• Two or three one-liners, not ten. Density kills a speech.
• Print the speech in large type on numbered cards.

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Frequently asked questions

How many jokes should a wedding speech have?

Three or four across five minutes is plenty. A speech that is only jokes has nothing for people to feel.

Who speaks at a wedding and in what order?

Traditionally father of the bride, then the groom, then the best man. Modern weddings often add the bride and maid of honour, and the order is entirely the couple's choice.