Retirement speech ideas

Retirement speeches go wrong in two ways: a list of job titles, or a stream of jokes about golf. The good ones tell the room one thing about the person they did not already know.

Here is a structure that works, followed by lines for whoever is speaking.

The five-part structure

• Open - one light line to settle the room.
• The arrival - when they started, what the place was like then.
• The person - two or three specific stories, not a career summary.
• The gap - what will actually be missed day to day.
• The toast - what happens next, and raise the glass.
• Five minutes total. Nobody has ever wished a retirement speech was longer.

Openers

• [Name] has worked here for [x] years. In that time we've had [x] managers, three office moves and one memorable fire alarm.
• When [name] started here, the computers took ten minutes to switch on and nobody thought that was strange.
• I've been asked to summarise [x] years in five minutes. I've decided to focus on the good bits.
• We're not saying goodbye. We're saying: please stop answering emails.

Funny lines

• [Name] knew where everything was. Not because of any system, but because they'd filed it somewhere only they understood.
• They've never once been late, which has been an ongoing source of resentment.
• In [x] years, nobody has managed to beat them to the good parking space.
• They're taking with them the only working knowledge of that spreadsheet. We're doomed.
• Retirement means never having to say 'let's take that offline' again. Shop this card

Heartfelt lines

• The measure of someone isn't the job. It's how many people here would call them if things went wrong.
• [Name] trained half this room, and it shows in how we all do the work.
• You can replace a role. You cannot replace someone who noticed when a colleague was struggling.
• They made this a place people wanted to come to. That is a rarer skill than anything on a job description.
• Whatever this place becomes, it's better because they were in it.

If you are the one retiring

• Thank the specific people, by name, who made the job possible.
• One honest sentence about what you will miss. It does not have to be the work.
• One line about what you are looking forward to, however small.
• Do not use it to settle scores, however tempting.
• Finish with a toast to the people staying, not to yourself.

Toasts

• To [name] - [x] years, and every one of them better for you being here.
• Please raise your glasses to a long career and a longer retirement.
• To [name]: enjoy every single Monday from now on.
• Here's to [name] - and to whatever comes next.

Browse retirement cards

How to write it so it lands

• Stories, not a CV. Nobody remembers the job titles.
• Name the specific people who made the job possible - it always lands.

Where to shop next

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Frequently asked questions

How long should a retirement speech be?

Around five minutes. Two or three specific stories beat a full career summary every time.

What do you say in a retirement speech for a colleague?

Say when they arrived, tell two stories that show who they are, name what will be missed day to day, then toast what comes next.