What To Bring To A Wake
We make cards and prints in the UK. There is nothing to sell here beyond a sympathy card, and this guide is written to be useful rather than to sell you one.
At most UK wakes you bring yourself and nothing else. The venue is catered or the family has it covered, and turning up with a dish can be more work for them, not less.
The exceptions are house wakes and small family gatherings, where food and drink genuinely help.
A sympathy card
Send the card separately to the house, so it arrives in the quiet week afterwards.
If it is at a venue or pub
- Bring nothing. Food and drink are arranged and often paid for by the family.
- Offer to pay for a round quietly at the bar rather than handing anyone money.
- Bring the card with you only if you have not already sent it.
- If there is a collection tin, put something in without making it visible.
If it is at the house
- Food that needs no oven, no plates back and no thanks: sandwiches, a cake, a quiche, fruit.
- Milk, tea, coffee, bread. Households run out of the basics on that day.
- Bring it in a container you do not want returned, and say so.
- Offer to wash up. That is the job nobody wants at four in the afternoon.
How long to stay
- An hour is plenty unless you are close family.
- Speak to the closest relative once, briefly, and do not queue them up for a long conversation.
- Leave before the family has to start managing you.
- If the room thins out and the family is still there, that is your cue.
What to say when you arrive
- "I am so sorry. It was a lovely service."
- "I only knew him through work, but he spoke about you all constantly."
- "I will not keep you. I just wanted you to know I was here."
- Share one specific memory. It is worth more than any condolence phrase.
How to write it so it lands
- Venue wake: bring nothing.
- House wake: food and milk.
- Stay an hour, say one specific thing.
Where to shop next
- Funeral etiquette in the UK
- What to do when someone dies
- Flowers, donations or neither
- What to wear to a funeral
- Helping someone in the weeks after
- Condolence gift ideas
- Arranging a funeral: a practical guide
- Memorial gift ideas
- Sympathy gifts for a colleague
- Sympathy hampers: what to put in
- What not to say when someone is grieving
- How much to give for a funeral collection
- Funeral songs
- Difficult moments guides
- All guides
- Planning the party? Birthday party ideas
- How to make a balloon arch
- Photo booth prop ideas
Frequently asked questions
Do you take anything to a wake?
At a venue or pub, no. At a house wake, bring food that needs no preparation, or basics like milk, tea and bread.
Do you give money at a wake?
Only into a collection tin if there is one, or by buying a round at the bar. Never hand cash to the family.
How long should you stay at a wake?
About an hour if you are not close family. Speak to the nearest relative briefly, then leave.