Funny Card Messages You Can Copy

We print funny cards in the UK and post them first class. Everything below is free to copy, whether you buy a card from us or write in one you already have.

These are written to be copied. Short, clean, and sized for the space you actually get inside a card.

Take one as it is, or use it as the setup and put your own ending on it.

The printed cards these go in

Blank inside, so any of the lines above fits - printed and posted first class.

You Old Bastard (Funny Birthday Card) You Old Bastard (Funny Birthday Card) £3.87 Top Trumps 60th Birthday Card for Dad Top Trumps 60th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87 Top Trumps 90th Birthday Card for Dad Top Trumps 90th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87 Illustration of two large pints of stout next to a tiny baby stout with text "Two's a couple, three's a family". Two's A Couple, Three's A Family (Guinness Congrats On The New Baby Card) £3.87 65 Years Young Wife Birthday Card 65 Years Young Wife Birthday Card £3.87 Top Trumps 80th Birthday Card for Dad Top Trumps 80th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87

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Funny birthday messages

  • Happy birthday. You don't look a day over whatever you're telling people. Shop this card
  • Congratulations on completing another lap. Same time next year. Shop this card
  • Age is just a number. In your case, an increasingly alarming one. Shop this card
  • I got you the gift of my presence. You're welcome. Shop this card
  • Another year wiser. Allegedly. Shop this card
  • Happy birthday. The candles cost more than the cake now. Shop this card
  • You're not old. You're vintage, which is more expensive. Shop this card
  • Hope your day is as lovely as you think you are. Shop this card

Funny leaving card messages

  • Good luck. We'll be fine. Probably. Possibly not.
  • You're leaving, and taking all the useful knowledge with you. Bold.
  • Thanks for always knowing where things were kept.
  • We'd say don't be a stranger, but we know how this goes.
  • Enjoy the new job. Your chair has already been claimed.

Funny anniversary messages

  • Still married. Still amazed.
  • Congratulations on tolerating each other for another whole year.
  • Happy anniversary. Neither of you has cracked yet, which is impressive.
  • To the two of you: proof that stubbornness can be romantic.

Funny thank you messages

  • Thank you. I'd have been useless without you, as usual.
  • Thanks - you've set a standard I fully intend to exploit.
  • Thank you for the gift, and for guessing the size generously.
  • Officially in your debt. Unofficially, let's never mention it again.

Funny get well soon messages

  • Get well soon. The group chat is unbearable without you.
  • Hurry up and recover, I'm running out of sympathy face.
  • Doctors are clever, but so is lying on the sofa. Do both.
  • Sorry you're poorly. Milk it for everything it's worth.

Funny Christmas messages

  • Merry Christmas. I hope your sprouts are somebody else's problem.
  • Season's greetings from someone who bought this on 23 December.
  • Merry Christmas. Try to make it to the King's speech this year.
  • Wishing you peace, joy, and the good chocolates in the tin.

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Pin badges that land the joke

A badge on the envelope is a second punchline. Made and posted in the UK.

Sunflower Push Pins (10PCS) Sunflower Push Pins (10PCS) £2.95 Enamel pin badge shaped like a red cowboy boot with the text What Would Dolly Do. What Would Dolly Do? Pin Badge £4.49 Star Trek Lapel Pin Badges (Set of 3) Star Trek Lapel Pin Badges (Set of 3) £7.49 Enamel pin badge featuring an illustration of a charming pigeon. Charming Pigeon Pin Badge £4.00 Enamel pin badge featuring the Dunder Mifflin Paper Co logo from The Office. The Office Dunder Mifflin Paper Co Pin Badge £4.00 Enamel pin badge featuring detailed pink cowgirl boots and a bright red cowboy hat on a plain background. Cowgirl Boots & Hat Pin Badge £4.00 Funny enamel pin badge featuring the words "Granny Panty Club". Granny Panty Club Hilarious Pin Badge £4.00 Round white enamel pin badge with the retro text "Honorary Gilmore Girl", pinned onto a denim jacket. Honorary Gilmore Girl Pin Badge £4.00

How to write it so it lands

  • Count the lines before you write - most cards take four comfortably.
  • If several people are signing, take two lines, not ten.
  • Sign and date it. Funny cards get kept far longer than sentimental ones.

Where to shop next

Frequently asked questions

What is a funny thing to write in a birthday card?

A short line about age or the gift, then a warm one. "Congratulations on completing another lap" works for almost anyone.

What do you write in a funny leaving card?

Something about the office surviving without them, then genuine good luck. Keep it to two lines so everyone else gets space to sign.

Can a funny card still be meaningful?

Yes, and the best ones are. Land the joke, then add one sincere sentence underneath - that's the bit they remember.

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