How To Write A Joke For A Card

September 15, 2026

We print funny cards in the UK and post them first class. Everything below is free to copy, whether you buy a card from us or write in one you already have.

A joke told out loud has your face and your timing doing half the work. On paper you lose both, so the writing has to carry it on its own.

The good news is that a card gives you something a conversation never does: a page turn. Use it and almost any joke improves.

The printed cards these go in

Blank inside, so the setup goes on the front and the punchline is entirely yours.

You Old Bastard (Funny Birthday Card) £3.87

Top Trumps 60th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87

Top Trumps 90th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87

Illustration of two large pints of stout next to a tiny baby stout with text "Two's a couple, three's a family".

Two's A Couple, Three's A Family (Guinness Congrats On The New Baby Card) £3.87

65 Years Young Wife Birthday Card £3.87

Top Trumps 80th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87

Shop funny cards

The five rules

Setup on the front page, punchline inside. The page turn is your pause.
Keep it under twenty words. Long jokes die in handwriting.
Put their name in it. A joke about them beats a better joke about nobody.
Never explain it. If it needs a line underneath, it isn't the joke.
End warm. One sincere line after the gag is what makes the card get kept.

Setups that work on the front page

I was going to buy you something expensive...
They say you're only as old as you feel...
I asked what you wanted this year...
I wanted to write something meaningful...
Everyone says forty is the new thirty...
I've known you twenty years...

Punchlines for inside

...then I remembered what you got me. Happy birthday.
...so you're absolutely knackered. Many happy returns.
...you said 'nothing'. I'm brilliant at following instructions.
...but the card cost £3 and my talents are priced accordingly.
...which makes me the new nineteen. Nobody's buying it.
...and I still can't spell your surname. Happy birthday anyway.

Making it about them

Take the thing they always do - the late arrival, the reversing, the reheated coffee - and write the card as if it's a formal complaint.
Quote something they said years ago and never lived down. One line, no context.
Write the card in their voice. Sign it with your own name at the bottom.
Award them something: Most Improved Parallel Parker, 2026. Print the year, it dates the joke perfectly.
Use a running joke you already share. It doesn't have to be funny to anyone else.