Joke Cards UK: Ideas, Messages And How To Write One

Joke cards: how to write one, what to buy, what to avoid

A joke told out loud has your face and your timing doing half the work. On paper you lose both, so the writing has to carry it - which is why most joke cards fall flat.

This hub pulls together everything we've written about joke cards: the rules, the ideas, the ready-made messages and the mistakes. At the end of it there's a printed range to put your joke in.

The printed joke cards

Funny and rude cards, drawn and written in house, printed in the UK and blank inside for your own punchline.

You Old Bastard (Funny Birthday Card) You Old Bastard (Funny Birthday Card) £3.87 Top Trumps 60th Birthday Card for Dad Top Trumps 60th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87 Top Trumps 90th Birthday Card for Dad Top Trumps 90th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87 Illustration of two large pints of stout next to a tiny baby stout with text "Two's a couple, three's a family". Two's A Couple, Three's A Family (Guinness Congrats On The New Baby Card) £3.87 65 Years Young Wife Birthday Card 65 Years Young Wife Birthday Card £3.87 Top Trumps 80th Birthday Card for Dad Top Trumps 80th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87

Shop joke cards

The five rules of a written joke

  • Setup on the front, punchline inside. The page turn is your pause.
  • Under twenty words. Long jokes die in handwriting.
  • Put their name in it. A joke about them beats a better joke about nobody.
  • Never explain it. If it needs a line underneath, it isn't the joke.
  • End warm. One sincere line after the gag is what makes the card get kept.

The mistakes that kill a joke card

  • Explaining the gag underneath it.
  • Punching down - weight, money, hair, marriages.
  • Age jokes for someone who hates their age.
  • Writing so much the punchline ends up sideways in the corner.
  • Forgetting to sign it. A joke from nobody is just graffiti.

Pin badges that finish the joke

Drop a badge in the envelope and the card becomes a small present.

Sunflower Push Pins (10PCS) Sunflower Push Pins (10PCS) £2.95 Enamel pin badge shaped like a red cowboy boot with the text What Would Dolly Do. What Would Dolly Do? Pin Badge £4.49 Star Trek Lapel Pin Badges (Set of 3) Star Trek Lapel Pin Badges (Set of 3) £7.49 Enamel pin badge featuring an illustration of a charming pigeon. Charming Pigeon Pin Badge £4.00 Enamel pin badge featuring the Dunder Mifflin Paper Co logo from The Office. The Office Dunder Mifflin Paper Co Pin Badge £4.00 Enamel pin badge featuring detailed pink cowgirl boots and a bright red cowboy hat on a plain background. Cowgirl Boots & Hat Pin Badge £4.00 Funny enamel pin badge featuring the words "Granny Panty Club". Granny Panty Club Hilarious Pin Badge £4.00 Round white enamel pin badge with the retro text "Honorary Gilmore Girl", pinned onto a denim jacket. Honorary Gilmore Girl Pin Badge £4.00

Where to shop next

Frequently asked questions

What is a joke card?

A greeting card built around a single gag - usually a setup on the front and a punchline inside. Ours are blank inside so you write the punchline yourself.

How long should a joke in a card be?

Under twenty words. A card gives you one page turn, not a stage, and you still need room for your name.

Can a joke card still be meaningful?

Yes, and the best ones are. Land the joke, then add one honest sentence underneath - that's the bit they remember.

How fast do the cards arrive?

Orders placed on a working day are usually posted the same day. First Class is normally next working day; Second Class is meant to take two working days but can take up to five.