Rude Cards UK: Who To Send One To And What To Write

Rude cards: who they suit, how rude is too rude, what to write

A rude card is the fastest way to make someone laugh and the fastest way to make a room go quiet. The difference is entirely down to who's opening it and who else is watching.

Our rude range is drawn and written in house, printed in the UK and blank inside. This page is the honest guide to using it: who it suits, what to write, and when to pick something gentler.

Rude cards, printed and posted from the UK

Sweary, cheeky and unapologetic. Blank inside, kraft envelope, first class post - usually the same working day.

You Old Bastard (Funny Birthday Card) You Old Bastard (Funny Birthday Card) £3.87 Top Trumps 60th Birthday Card for Dad Top Trumps 60th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87 Top Trumps 90th Birthday Card for Dad Top Trumps 90th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87 Illustration of two large pints of stout next to a tiny baby stout with text "Two's a couple, three's a family". Two's A Couple, Three's A Family (Guinness Congrats On The New Baby Card) £3.87 65 Years Young Wife Birthday Card 65 Years Young Wife Birthday Card £3.87 Top Trumps 80th Birthday Card for Dad Top Trumps 80th Birthday Card for Dad £3.87

Shop rude and funny cards

Who a rude card suits

  • Best mates and siblings - people who'd send you worse.
  • Someone who swears freely in front of you first. That's the test.
  • Milestone birthdays where the person is already taking the mickey out of themselves.
  • Leaving cards, but only if one person is signing it, not the whole floor.

When to pick something gentler

  • Cards that will be read aloud in front of children or grandparents.
  • A first card to a partner's family. Play it straight for a year.
  • Sympathy, apologies and serious illness, unless they're joking about it first.
  • Anything going on an office wall or into a frame.

Rude card messages that still read as affectionate

  • Another year of you. The group chat has never recovered.
  • I'd say you haven't aged, but we've both seen the photos.
  • Happy birthday. I've known you far too long to write anything sincere.
  • You're the reason there's a two-drink minimum at everything now.

Pin badges that finish the joke

Drop a badge in the envelope and the card becomes a small present.

Sunflower Push Pins (10PCS) Sunflower Push Pins (10PCS) £2.95 Enamel pin badge shaped like a red cowboy boot with the text What Would Dolly Do. What Would Dolly Do? Pin Badge £4.49 Star Trek Lapel Pin Badges (Set of 3) Star Trek Lapel Pin Badges (Set of 3) £7.49 Enamel pin badge featuring an illustration of a charming pigeon. Charming Pigeon Pin Badge £4.00 Enamel pin badge featuring the Dunder Mifflin Paper Co logo from The Office. The Office Dunder Mifflin Paper Co Pin Badge £4.00 Enamel pin badge featuring detailed pink cowgirl boots and a bright red cowboy hat on a plain background. Cowgirl Boots & Hat Pin Badge £4.00 Funny enamel pin badge featuring the words "Granny Panty Club". Granny Panty Club Hilarious Pin Badge £4.00 Round white enamel pin badge with the retro text "Honorary Gilmore Girl", pinned onto a denim jacket. Honorary Gilmore Girl Pin Badge £4.00

Where to shop next

Frequently asked questions

How rude is too rude for a card?

If the joke is about weight, money, hair loss or someone's relationship, it's too far. Swearing is fine between friends; punching down never is.

Are rude cards suitable for work?

Rarely. Keep office cards aimed at the job rather than the person, and save the sweary ones for one-to-one friendships.

Are your rude cards blank inside?

Yes, all of them. The printed joke is on the front; the inside is yours.

How fast do the cards arrive?

Orders placed on a working day are usually posted the same day. First Class is normally next working day; Second Class is meant to take two working days but can take up to five.