Joke Card Ideas For Every Person You Know

We print funny cards in the UK and post them first class. Everything below is free to copy, whether you buy a card from us or write in one you already have.

Most joke cards fail because the joke was chosen before the person was. Start with who they are and the gag writes itself.

Below, ideas grouped by recipient and by occasion. Take one, swap in the detail only you know, and it stops sounding like a card and starts sounding like you.

For dad

• I learned everything I know from you. That's why nothing in my house is level.
• You've been telling that joke since 2004. It's still not funny. Happy birthday.
• Happy birthday to the man who turns the heating off in November.
• You said you didn't want a fuss. So here's a fuss, in card form.
• Thanks for the DIY advice. The wall's mostly fine.

For mum

• You always said I'd understand when I was older. I'm older. I still don't.
• Happy birthday from your favourite child. Don't tell the others I said that.
• Still the only person who can find things I've already looked for twice.
• I'd have bought flowers, but you'd only tell me I spent too much.

For your best mate

• Another year of you. The group chat has never recovered.
• I'd say you haven't aged, but we've both seen the photos.
• You're the reason there's a two-drink minimum at everything now.
• Happy birthday. I've known you far too long to write anything sincere.

For work

• Happy birthday from the whole team, who all signed this in under four seconds.
• Congratulations on the new job. The photocopier will miss you the most.
• You've earned this. Mostly by ignoring emails after five, which we all respect.
• Happy retirement. Every Monday from here is somebody else's problem.

Milestone birthdays

• Thirty. Old enough to know better, young enough to ignore it.
• Forty isn't over the hill. You just can't see the top from the pub.
• Fifty years and still no instruction manual. Amazing effort.
• Sixty. Officially allowed to complain about everything, and you've been practising.
• Seventy candles and a working smoke alarm. Well planned.
• Eighty. You've outlasted three kettles and every fad going.

New home, new baby, new anything

• Congratulations on the house. The boiler is now your personality.
• New baby, new schedule. See you in four years.
• Congratulations on passing. Now the fun bit: paying for it.
• New car. Please stop telling us the miles per gallon.

Shop funny cards

Pin badges that land the joke

A badge on the envelope is a second punchline. Made and posted in the UK.

How to write it so it lands

• Swap in one detail only you know - that's the difference between a card and a greeting.
• For work cards, aim the joke at the job, never the person.
• Write the sincere line last so it's the thing they read last.

Where to shop next

• How to write a joke for a card
• Funny card messages
• Joke card mistakes
• Joke cards guide
• Funny birthday cards guide
• Rude cards guide
• Top 50 knock knock jokes
• Top 50 dad jokes
• Top 50 one-liners
• Funny cards
• Planning the party? Birthday party ideas
• How to make a balloon arch
• Photo booth prop ideas
• Congratulations cards
• Birthday cards for kids
• Funny Father's Day cards
• Mother's Day gifts
• All guides

Frequently asked questions

What makes a good joke card?

One short gag aimed at something true about the person, followed by a warm line. Generic jokes are forgotten before the wrapping paper is off.

Are joke cards appropriate for work?

Gentle ones are. Keep it about the office - meetings, emails, the kettle - and never about anyone's appearance, age or personal life.

What joke suits a milestone birthday?

Age jokes work when the person leans into their age. If they don't, joke about the year instead of the number.