35 Funny Rhymes for Kids to Learn and Read Out

September 9, 2026

A rhyme sticks in a child's head in a way a joke doesn't. Two readings and they've got it; three and they're performing it at Grandma's.

Thirty-five below, all short, all clean. Good for lunchbox notes, birthday cards written by the child themselves, assemblies and long car journeys.

Silly animals

Young animal lovers will adore these giggle-inducing verses, making them ideal for cheering up a rainy afternoon at home. They are perfect for sharing with toddlers who love funny noises, or for helping early readers build their confidence. A great tip is to have your child act out the animal noises as they recite the lines, which adds an extra layer of fun to storytime.

A cow in a coat and a hat, Went shopping for cheese and a mat. The shopkeeper said, 'You're a cow!' and she fled - Which was rude, but she paid, and that's that.
There's a frog in my wellington boot, He says that he's living there, mute. He's paid me no rent, And he won't say where he went, But he's polite, so I've let him stay put.
My dog has a plan for the day: Eat breakfast, then sleep, then go play, Then eat something wrong, Then sleep really long, Then look sad till I give him a tray.
A snail entered into a race, And finished in seventeenth place. The race was last June, He'll be finished by noon, On a Tuesday, in twelve months. Some pace.
A duck with a very loud quack, Was asked, very kindly, to pack. He quacked in reply, Rather loudly, and I Have not seen the pond settle back.
The cat has decided the chair Was a gift given only to her. We sit on the floor, And she yawns, and she snores, And we thank her for letting us stare.
A bear tried to ride on a bike, Which is not the sort of thing bears like. He fell off at the gate, Said 'I'm actually great', And then walked, because walking's alright.

School rhymes

These classroom-themed poems are brilliant for school-aged children who need a bit of reassurance or a lighthearted laugh after a long day at their desks. They are wonderful for sharing during the back-to-school season or after a tricky exam. Try slipping one of these into their school bag as a surprise; it is a lovely way to remind them that school is a place for fun too.

My homework was eaten, it's true, By a dog that I don't think I knew. He came in through the door, Ate my maths off the floor, And he did all the answers wrong too.
The bell went at twenty past nine, Which means that I'm perfectly fine. Except that the bell Was the fire drill as well, So I'm outside in only one shoe. Fine.
My pencil case holds thirty pens, Of which two of them actually work. The rest are just there To take up the air, And to rattle, which drives teachers berserk.
The teacher said 'quiet, sit down', And the classroom fell wonderfully still. For a second and a half, Then somebody laughed, And we're all staying in after. Brill.
The dinner today was a stew, Or a soup, or a curry, or two. The label said 'pie', Which was clearly a lie, But I ate it. I didn't know what to do.
My friend can do maths in her head, While I do it slowly instead. But I can do art, And she can't draw a cart, So we're even. That's what my mum said.

Food rhymes

Perfect for fussy eaters and little chefs alike, these comical food verses are a fantastic way to liven up family mealtimes. You can read them aloud while waiting for dinner to cook or use them to distract impatient toddlers at the kitchen table. For a fun weekend activity, encourage your children to draw a silly picture of the meals described, turning poetry into a creative kitchen game.

There once was a sprout on a plate, Who knew that his prospects weren't great. He waited all day, Hoping someone would say 'I like sprouts!' - but nobody ate.
My sandwich has gone very odd, It's jam and it's cheese and it's cod. I made it myself, With the things on the shelf, And I've learned an important thing. Odd.
A biscuit fell into my tea, And it never came back up to me. I waited and stirred, Not a crumb, not a word - So I drank it. There's no other way, see.
Spaghetti is brilliant to eat, But it's terrible round your feet. I dropped some, and slid, Across most of the grid Of the kitchen. It's now on the seat.
The ice cream was mine, it was clear, It was mine, and the sun was too near. By the time I sat down, It was gone, in the ground, And a pigeon has eaten it. Cheers.
Beans on toast is a wonderful thing, Unless you have made it too thin. Then the toast goes to mush, And there's beans in the rush, On your top, on your lap, on your chin.

Tongue twisters that rhyme

This challenging selection is ideal for older kids who love a verbal puzzle and want to show off their reading skills. Use them during long rainy weekends or to break the ice at children's parties. To get the most out of them, start by reading each line very slowly together before speeding up, helping your child master the tricky pronunciations whilst having a hearty laugh.

A batch of black bread and blue butter, Made my bother of a brother mutter. He buttered the bread, And he blushed and he said, 'That's the buttery-est bread in the gutter.'
Six slick snails slid slowly south, With a slice of sliced cheese in each mouth. They slid and they slid, And they honestly did Get nowhere at all going south.
A proper cup of coffee in a proper copper pot, Is a proper thing to ask for, but we haven't got a lot. So you'll have a cup of tea, In a mug, from me, And you'll like it, and you'll drink the lot.
Three free trees threw thirty leaves, And the breeze took every one. I counted them all, Then I lost count at four, So I stopped, and I sat in the sun.
Which witch wished which wish? The witch with the wish-list, of course. She wished for a fish, Got a dish and a dish, And she's cross, and she's blaming the horse.

Where to use them

These suggestions are designed for busy parents and grandparents looking to bring a little extra joy into a child's daily routine. They work beautifully for birthdays, school transitions, or simply when you need a quiet moment on a hectic day. Our top tip is to print a few of these ideas out and keep them in your kitchen drawer so you always have a quick parenting trick up your sleeve.

One in the lunchbox on a Monday. It costs nothing and it lands every time.
Written inside a birthday card in the child's own handwriting - wonky is the point.
In the car, one each, no repeats. Buys you twenty quiet minutes.
For an assembly or class performance - the animal ones read best out loud.
In the back of a book you're giving them, with the date underneath.

Key things to remember

Let them choose their favourite - a rhyme they picked gets performed for weeks.
Clap the beat while reading. It fixes both rhythm and memory.
Keep a family list on the fridge; it becomes a keepsake without anyone deciding it should.

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Revolting Rhymes

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Frequently asked questions

What age are these rhymes for?

Roughly four to eleven. The animal and food rhymes work from reception; the tongue twisters suit ages seven and up.

Are these rhymes suitable for school assemblies?

Yes - all thirty-five are clean, non-personal and short enough to memorise in an afternoon.

How do you help a child memorise a rhyme?

Read it three times with a clap on the rhyming word. The clap does more for recall than repetition alone.

What is a good example of funny rhymes for kids?

"A cow in a coat and a hat, Went shopping for cheese and a mat. The shopkeeper said, 'You're a cow!' and she fled - Which was rude, but she paid, and that's that." is one of 29 examples on this page. Pick the one closest to the tone you want, then add a specific detail of your own - a shared memory, a date, a name - so it reads as yours rather than copied.

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Knock-Knock Jokes for Funny Kids (Buster Laugh-a-lot Books)

This brilliant joke book from the Buster Laugh-a-lot Books series is packed with classic knock-knock jokes to keep young minds thoroughly entertained. It makes a wonderful gift for cheeky kids who love to giggle and perform their very own comedy routines for the family.

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