Funny rhymes for kids

A rhyme sticks in a child's head in a way a joke doesn't. Two readings and they've got it; three and they're performing it at Grandma's.

Thirty-five below, all short, all clean. Good for lunchbox notes, birthday cards written by the child themselves, assemblies and long car journeys.

Silly animals

• A cow in a coat and a hat, Went shopping for cheese and a mat. The shopkeeper said, 'You're a cow!' and she fled - Which was rude, but she paid, and that's that.
• There's a frog in my wellington boot, He says that he's living there, mute. He's paid me no rent, And he won't say where he went, But he's polite, so I've let him stay put.
• My dog has a plan for the day: Eat breakfast, then sleep, then go play, Then eat something wrong, Then sleep really long, Then look sad till I give him a tray.
• A snail entered into a race, And finished in seventeenth place. The race was last June, He'll be finished by noon, On a Tuesday, in twelve months. Some pace.
• A duck with a very loud quack, Was asked, very kindly, to pack. He quacked in reply, Rather loudly, and I Have not seen the pond settle back.
• The cat has decided the chair Was a gift given only to her. We sit on the floor, And she yawns, and she snores, And we thank her for letting us stare.
• A bear tried to ride on a bike, Which is not the sort of thing bears like. He fell off at the gate, Said 'I'm actually great', And then walked, because walking's alright.

School rhymes

• My homework was eaten, it's true, By a dog that I don't think I knew. He came in through the door, Ate my maths off the floor, And he did all the answers wrong too.
• The bell went at twenty past nine, Which means that I'm perfectly fine. Except that the bell Was the fire drill as well, So I'm outside in only one shoe. Fine.
• My pencil case holds thirty pens, Of which two of them actually work. The rest are just there To take up the air, And to rattle, which drives teachers berserk.
• The teacher said 'quiet, sit down', And the classroom fell wonderfully still. For a second and a half, Then somebody laughed, And we're all staying in after. Brill.
• The dinner today was a stew, Or a soup, or a curry, or two. The label said 'pie', Which was clearly a lie, But I ate it. I didn't know what to do.
• My friend can do maths in her head, While I do it slowly instead. But I can do art, And she can't draw a cart, So we're even. That's what my mum said.

Food rhymes

• There once was a sprout on a plate, Who knew that his prospects weren't great. He waited all day, Hoping someone would say 'I like sprouts!' - but nobody ate.
• My sandwich has gone very odd, It's jam and it's cheese and it's cod. I made it myself, With the things on the shelf, And I've learned an important thing. Odd.
• A biscuit fell into my tea, And it never came back up to me. I waited and stirred, Not a crumb, not a word - So I drank it. There's no other way, see.
• Spaghetti is brilliant to eat, But it's terrible round your feet. I dropped some, and slid, Across most of the grid Of the kitchen. It's now on the seat.
• The ice cream was mine, it was clear, It was mine, and the sun was too near. By the time I sat down, It was gone, in the ground, And a pigeon has eaten it. Cheers.
• Beans on toast is a wonderful thing, Unless you have made it too thin. Then the toast goes to mush, And there's beans in the rush, On your top, on your lap, on your chin.

Tongue twisters that rhyme

• A batch of black bread and blue butter, Made my bother of a brother mutter. He buttered the bread, And he blushed and he said, 'That's the buttery-est bread in the gutter.'
• Six slick snails slid slowly south, With a slice of sliced cheese in each mouth. They slid and they slid, And they honestly did Get nowhere at all going south.
• A proper cup of coffee in a proper copper pot, Is a proper thing to ask for, but we haven't got a lot. So you'll have a cup of tea, In a mug, from me, And you'll like it, and you'll drink the lot.
• Three free trees threw thirty leaves, And the breeze took every one. I counted them all, Then I lost count at four, So I stopped, and I sat in the sun.
• Which witch wished which wish? The witch with the wish-list, of course. She wished for a fish, Got a dish and a dish, And she's cross, and she's blaming the horse.

Where to use them

• One in the lunchbox on a Monday. It costs nothing and it lands every time.
• Written inside a birthday card in the child's own handwriting - wonky is the point.
• In the car, one each, no repeats. Buys you twenty quiet minutes.
• For an assembly or class performance - the animal ones read best out loud.
• In the back of a book you're giving them, with the date underneath.

Shop funny cards

Cards with room for a rhyme

Blank inside, so the verse is yours. Designed in house, posted first class.

Badges to pin on top

A pin badge turns a card into a gift for a couple of pounds more.

How to write it so it lands

• Let them choose their favourite - a rhyme they picked gets performed for weeks.
• Clap the beat while reading. It fixes both rhythm and memory.
• Keep a family list on the fridge; it becomes a keepsake without anyone deciding it should.

Where to shop next

• Funny birthday rhymes
• Funny limericks
• Funny rhymes for kids
• Short funny poems for cards
• Funny Christmas rhymes
• Funny leaving rhymes
• Top 50 dad jokes
• Top 50 one-liners
• 60th birthday poems and verses
• Top 50 jokes for kids
• Birthday cards
• Funny cards
• Planning the party? Birthday party ideas
• How to make a balloon arch
• Photo booth prop ideas

Frequently asked questions

What age are these rhymes for?

Roughly four to eleven. The animal and food rhymes work from reception; the tongue twisters suit ages seven and up.

Are these rhymes suitable for school assemblies?

Yes - all thirty-five are clean, non-personal and short enough to memorise in an afternoon.

How do you help a child memorise a rhyme?

Read it three times with a clap on the rhyming word. The clap does more for recall than repetition alone.