Funny birthday rhymes

A rhyme in a birthday card does something a bought message can't: it proves someone sat down and thought about it, badly, on purpose.

Forty below, all four lines or fewer so they fit in a card without your handwriting shrinking. Swap the name in and they're yours.

Short and cheeky

• Another year, another line, But honestly you're doing fine. The cake's arrived, the candles glow - We borrowed extra, just so you know.
• Roses are red, the icing is blue, There's more of the cake than there is of you. Get stuck in, it's your day after all, We'll roll you home later, don't worry at all.
• You're one year older, one year wise, One year closer to sensible ties. But not today - today you're loud, Happy birthday, do us proud.
• The candles cost more than the cake, The fire brigade's on standby, mate. Blow them out in one big go, Or we'll be here till half past four.
• Happy birthday, here's your card, Finding one this rude was hard. Inside there's love, I promise you, Underneath the taking-the-mick too.
• You've aged, but so has decent wine, And nobody complains at nine. So raise a glass, don't count the years, Just count the friends and drink the beers.
• A birthday's just a Tuesday, but With cake, and cards, and no ifs or buts. So eat the lot and skip the gym, The diet starts tomorrow. Slim.
• I looked for a card that was thoughtful and deep, Then realised that's not us, so here's this one, cheap. Happy birthday from someone who knows you too well - And could, if I chose to, have plenty to tell.

Rhymes about getting older

• Your back now clicks, your knees now creak, You plan your week around one peak. But you're still sharper than the rest - Happy birthday, you old pest.
• You've reached the age of naps and lists, Of reading glasses no one finds. Of 'where's my phone?' while holding it - We love you, though. Just so you know it.
• The hair's gone grey, the eyes gone weak, You fall asleep mid-conversation-speak. But you still tell the best bad joke - Happy birthday, splendid bloke.
• You're not old, you're well-preserved, Like jam, or wine, or an old reserve. A bit more sugar than there was - Happy birthday, just because.
• There's snow on the roof, but the fire's still lit, You've slowed down a bit, but you've not stopped a bit. So here's to the year that's about to begin, More cake, fewer salads, and let the noise in.
• You've reached the age where every year You say 'I'll take it slow this year'. And then you don't. And that's the charm. Happy birthday. Cause some harm.
• You've earned the right to say what's true, To leave a party half past two. To love a chair more than a night out - Happy birthday, that's what it's about.
• Grey is just the colour of A head that's done a lot of love, A lot of work, a lot of graft - Happy birthday. Have a laugh.

For a friend

• You've seen me at my very worst, And stayed. That's odd. But thank you first. Happy birthday, awful friend - I'll drive you home again. The end.
• Best friends are the ones who know Exactly where the bodies go. So happy birthday. Stay on side. We both know far too much to hide.
• We've been mates for far too long, I can't recall what started it. But here's your card, it's late again - Happy birthday. Sorry. Bit.
• A friend will help you move a couch, A good friend helps you when you slouch, A best friend brings the cake and stays - Happy birthday. Where's my praise? Shop this card
• I could have bought a gift, it's true, But then I thought: it's only you. So here's a rhyme, it cost me nowt, Happy birthday. Let's go out.
• You're older, louder, no less mad, The best worst influence I've had. Here's to another year of that - Happy birthday. Get your hat.

Milestone rhymes (30, 40, 50, 60)

• Thirty's here, don't make a fuss, You're still the youngest one of us. The hangovers just last a week - Happy thirtieth. Get some sleep.
• Forty is the age you find You've somehow got a garden mind. You talk of compost, decking, bins - Happy fortieth. Let it begin.
• Fifty years, and going strong, Still playing all the same old songs. Still wrong about the football too - Happy fiftieth. Here's to you.
• Sixty years of doing this, Of getting most of it near right. Of feeding everyone but you - Happy sixtieth. Have a night.
• Seventy, and still in charge, Still parking badly, still at large. Still first to offer, last to leave - Happy seventieth. Take a breather.
• Eighty years of stories told, Most of them a bit reworked. We'll hear them all again today - Happy eightieth. And thank you, always.

Write your own in five minutes

• Pick four lines and rhyme lines two and four only. Trying to rhyme all four is what makes it sound like a greetings card.
• Start with a true detail - the dodgy knee, the football team, the parking. Specific is funny; general is a shop-bought verse.
• End on something kind. Three lines of mockery and one line of love is the exact ratio that gets a card kept.
• Say it out loud. If you stumble, the rhythm's off - drop a word rather than adding one.
• Sign and date it underneath. In ten years the date is the bit they'll care about.

Shop funny cards

Cards with room for a rhyme

Blank inside, so the verse is yours. Designed in house, posted first class.

Badges to pin on top

A pin badge turns a card into a gift for a couple of pounds more.

How to write it so it lands

• Rhyme lines two and four only. Full rhyme on all four lines sounds shop-bought.
• One insult, one compliment. That ratio is why homemade verses get kept.
• Write it in pencil first if the card is expensive. Everyone regrets going straight in with pen.

Where to shop next

• Funny birthday rhymes
• Funny limericks
• Funny rhymes for kids
• Short funny poems for cards
• Funny Christmas rhymes
• Funny leaving rhymes
• Top 50 dad jokes
• Top 50 one-liners
• 60th birthday poems and verses
• Funny cards
• Birthday cards
• Milestone birthday cards
• Planning the party? Birthday party ideas
• Birthday badges & party pins
• How to make a balloon arch
• Photo booth prop ideas
• Party bag ideas for adults
• How much helium do you need for balloons?
• Birthday pin badges

Frequently asked questions

What is a good funny birthday rhyme?

Four lines, rhyming the second and fourth, with one true detail about them and one kind line at the end. "The candles cost more than the cake" is the safest opener for any adult birthday.

How long should a rhyme in a card be?

Four lines. Any longer and you run out of card, and the joke thins out as the handwriting shrinks.

Can I use these rhymes in a speech?

Yes - the milestone ones read well aloud. Pause at the end of line two, then deliver the last line slower.