Funny Christmas rhymes

Christmas is the one time of year people still write in cards by hand, and the one time a bad rhyme is entirely welcome.

Thirty below: card verses, sprout-based grievances, cracker rhymes and a few for the family group chat. All clean, all short enough for a card.

Christmas card verses

• Merry Christmas, here's your card, It's been signed by all of us. It was going to be a present, But we ran out of time and bus.
• Wishing you a Christmas full Of food, and telly, and no rows. And if there is a row, that's fine - It's tradition, after all, somehow.
• May your turkey be enormous, May your gravy be a flood. May nobody mention politics Before the Queen's speech. Touch wood.
• Merry Christmas from our house, Where the tree went up too soon. It's already shedding needles, And it's only mid-afternoon.
• Here's to another Christmas, Same chairs, same jokes, same lot. Wouldn't want it any different - Merry Christmas. Love the lot.
• The card's late, the gift is worse, The wrapping paper's from last year. But the sentiment is genuine: Merry Christmas. Glad you're here.

Sprouts and the dinner

• The sprout is a curious thing, Defended by nobody at all. Yet each year it turns up again, In a dish, at the end of the hall.
• There's parsnips and roasties and beef, And a turkey the size of a shed. And a plate that says 'this is enough' - And we all of us ignore it instead.
• The gravy was made in a rush, And it may contain slightly too much. Too much of what? We're not sure. But it's brown and it's hot and it's rich.
• The pudding was lit at half three, With a flame nobody could see. We all said 'ooh', As traditions do, And then no one had room. Not for me.
• The trifle appeared out of nowhere, At a point when we couldn't eat more. And we ate it, we ate the whole trifle, And then lay very still on the floor.
• There's cheese for the end of the evening, And nobody knows why it's there. We eat it at ten, feeling dreadful, Then we go to our beds in despair.

Santa and the presents

• Santa's got a tricky night, A billion chimneys, one small sleigh. And still he does it, every year - Better logistics than Royal Mail. Hooray.
• The presents were wrapped at midnight, By a person quite low on sellotape. So the corners are folded like origami, And one gift is largely in shape.
• I asked for socks, I got socks, And I'm pleased, and that's the sad part. There's a moment you turn into your dad, And it's socks. It's socks, from the start.
• The batteries were not included, Which the box did not mention at all. So the toy sat in silence till Boxing Day, When the shop opened up. Small.
• The tag said 'from Santa', in Mum's hand, With Mum's pen, in Mum's usual style. And we said nothing at all about it, And we haven't for quite a long while.
• The best gift I got this Christmas, Was the day off, the food and the lot. And everyone here in one room again - That's the present. The rest, I forgot.

Cracker-style rhymes

• A snowman went out for a walk, And came back as a puddle and cork. We said 'where's your hat?' He said nothing to that, Because puddles are famously bad at talk.
• There once was a turkey named Ted, Who hid in the shed and said 'dread'. He survived the whole day, Got away, hip hooray, And we all had a nut roast instead.
• A reindeer got stuck on the roof, Which is honestly hard to disprove. We heard something clatter, We heard something patter, It was probably pigeons. No proof.
• There once was a tree, very tall, Too tall for the height of the hall. So we cut off the top, And the star wouldn't stop Falling off. So we hung it. That's all.
• A cracker was pulled at the table, By two people equally able. It went off like a shot, And the joke was quite rot, And the hat didn't fit. It's a fable.

How to write one for your card

• Pick one true Christmas grievance - the sprouts, the tree, the tin of biscuits nobody opens - and rhyme around it.
• Four lines, rhyming two and four. Save the sincere line for last.
• Write it once on scrap paper. Christmas cards get read by everybody, so it's worth the extra minute.
• Name the year. "Christmas 2026" underneath turns a rhyme into a record.
• If you send a lot of cards, write one verse and hand-copy it. Nobody compares notes.

Shop Christmas cards

Cards with room for a rhyme

Blank inside, so the verse is yours. Designed in house, posted first class.

Badges to pin on top

A pin badge turns a card into a gift for a couple of pounds more.

How to write it so it lands

• Write the year underneath. Christmas cards get kept, and the date is what makes them worth keeping.
• Grievance plus affection is the Christmas formula: moan for three lines, mean it in the fourth.
• Do the cards in two sittings with a cup of tea. Everyone regrets doing forty in one go.

Where to shop next

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• Funny rhymes for kids
• Short funny poems for cards
• Funny Christmas rhymes
• Funny leaving rhymes
• Top 50 dad jokes
• Top 50 one-liners
• 60th birthday poems and verses
• Top 50 Christmas cracker jokes
• Christmas cards
• Christmas message ideas
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Frequently asked questions

What can I write in a Christmas card that isn't boring?

A four-line rhyme about one true Christmas thing - the sprouts, the tree, the tin of biscuits - then one warm line to finish.

Can I use these rhymes in homemade crackers?

Yes. Print them on narrow strips, fold them small, and slot them in with the hat. The cracker-style section is written for exactly that.

Are these Christmas rhymes family-friendly?

All thirty are clean and safe to read aloud at the table, in a school assembly or in a card sent to anyone.