Short funny poems for cards

Most card verses fail for the same reason: they try to be a poem. The ones that work are four lines, one joke and one honest sentence.

Thirty below, grouped by occasion. Copy them straight in, or swap one detail so it's clearly about the person in front of you.

Birthday

• The card was cheap, the thought was free, The love, though, that's the costly bit. Happy birthday, awful you - I wouldn't change a bit of it.
• One more year of getting on, One more year of getting by. You've done it well, you've done it loud - Happy birthday. Have some pie. Shop this card
• I'd write a poem long and grand, But you'd not read past line two. So here's the short and honest bit: The world's a better place with you.
• There's cake in there, and candles too, And somewhere underneath, a plate. Don't share it out, don't be polite - Happy birthday. Overate.
• You're older now than you have been, Which is, I'll grant, a low-bar fact. But you're kinder too, and funnier - Happy birthday. Stay exact.

Thank you

• You did the thing that no one saw, The boring bit, the bit that's hard. So here's the only thanks I've got: A rhyme, a stamp, and this small card.
• I said 'don't worry', and you did, And turned up anyway with tea. That's the whole poem, that's the point - Thank you, sincerely, from me.
• Some help arrives with fuss and noise, And some arrives and just gets on. Yours was the second sort. Thank you. I noticed. Even when you'd gone.
• You'll say it's nothing, wave it off, And change the subject to the weather. Too late - it's written down in ink. Thank you. I'm keeping this forever.
• There's no good rhyme for 'grateful', so I've had to use 'thank you' instead. It does the job, it's true enough, And it's cheaper than a card that's read.

Get well

• Get well soon, and in the meantime, Milk the sofa for its worth. Blankets, telly, no discussion - You're allowed. It's doctor's orders.
• You look dreadful. There, I said it. Everyone else was far too kind. Get some sleep and stop replying To your emails. Change your mind.
• The world can wait a week or two, It managed fine before you came. Rest up, recover, take your time - We'll keep your seat, and keep your name.
• I'd bring you grapes but I'd eat them, Somewhere in the hospital lift. So here's a card, and here's a promise: Soup on Sunday. That's the gift.
• Feel better soon, and until then Be useless, gloriously so. Do nothing well, do nothing much - And let the washing-up just go.

New home and congratulations

• New keys, new door, new dodgy tap, New neighbours you've not met yet. Congratulations on the lot - And on the mortgage. And the debt.
• May your boiler stay in working order, May your neighbours keep it down. May the boxes be unpacked by June - Welcome home. It's yours now.
• You did the thing you said you'd do, Which almost nobody ever does. So well done, properly well done - We always said you'd get there. Cos.
• New job, new badge, new set of rules, New people learning who you are. They've no idea how lucky they've got - Congratulations. Go on. Star.
• Congratulations, here's your card, It's late, which is my brand by now. But I'm proud of you, and that's on time - I've been proud a good while, anyhow.

Making them yours

• Change one noun to something only they'd get - their car, their team, their terrible cooking. That's the whole trick.
• Four lines, rhyme two and four. Rhyming all four is what makes a verse sound bought.
• Finish sincere. The joke earns attention; the last line earns the shelf.
• Write it in pencil first, then ink. Everyone regrets diving straight in.
• Sign it and date it. The rhyme is the fun part; the date is what makes it a keepsake.

Shop blank and funny cards

Cards with room for a rhyme

Blank inside, so the verse is yours. Designed in house, posted first class.

Badges to pin on top

A pin badge turns a card into a gift for a couple of pounds more.

How to write it so it lands

• One joke, one honest sentence. That is the whole formula for a card that gets kept.
• Write on the right-hand page first; the left is for other people to sign.
• If the occasion is delicate, drop the joke and keep the rhyme short and warm.

Where to shop next

• Funny birthday rhymes
• Funny limericks
• Funny rhymes for kids
• Short funny poems for cards
• Funny Christmas rhymes
• Funny leaving rhymes
• Top 50 dad jokes
• Top 50 one-liners
• 60th birthday poems and verses
• Funny cards
• Thank you cards
• Get well soon cards
• Planning the party? Birthday party ideas
• How to make a balloon arch
• Photo booth prop ideas

Frequently asked questions

What should I write in a card if I'm not funny?

Use a four-line verse from this page and change one detail to something only they'd recognise. The specific detail does the work, not the joke.

How long should a card poem be?

Four lines. It fits any standard card, leaves room for a signature, and stays readable in handwriting.

Is it fine to copy a card verse?

Completely. Everyone does. Change one noun and add a sincere last line and it reads as yours.